This Is My Life

 

I had a moment today where I stopped and thought to myself, "I've done it!" I am exactly where I've always wanted to be. Does it look like I always pictured? Not exactly. Does that bother me? No way!

Back when I used to day dream about being a mommy, I always pictured myself as being on top of everything all the time. Like I'd be an instant super mom. I never really put much thought into to the fact that "super moms" are who they are because of years of experience and learning lessons the hard way throughout those years. I also never really considered that they probably fall apart behind closed doors just like everyone else.

When I would picture my baby, I always thought I'd have a good sleeper that hardly ever fussed and that I'd always be collected and know what to do for every scenario that came my way. With a degree in Interdisciplinary Early Childhood Education I am a professional after all... The reality is that I have a not-so-good sleeper, which is probably a result of the fact that I didn't (and possibly still don't) really know what to do in that department. He also fusses almost as much as he is happy these days. Though I do think this is just a phase, it is probably one that will repeat itself often as he continues to teethe, hit new milestones, etc.

"Fuss??  Me??"

 On the other hand, I also had no idea the depth of the love and bond that I could have with a child.  I had spent so much time with children, and have a lot of experience under my belt, but the way I felt about even my most favorite student (shhh, don't tell the others...) doesn't even begin to compare to how I feel for my own child.  He seriously can fight sleep all he wants and can fuss all day and night and it won't change the fact that he has made me into the mommy that I've always wanted to be.  He is mine and he has helped me experience a whole new kind of love.  It is an entirely new emotion that I could have never daydreamed about because there's no way to know about its existence until you become initiated into this exclusive club called parenthood. 

David is home now and Ayden was SOOO excited to see him, as was I (their reunion was seriously adorable!).  Having our little family together under one roof just feels right and we are all so glad that things are back as they should be.  I can say, though, that these past few days, when it was just Ayden and me, gave me the opportunity to see the mom that I really am.  There were a few moments where if David were home, I would have passed the torch and taken a breather.  But David wasn't here and I am so proud of how I stepped up to the challenge without reserve or hesitation.  I had a very clear head about the fact that I was all Ayden had during those moments and he needed me to be strong and patient. It is very hard to explain but it was almost easier somehow... 

I may not be to "super mom" status, and I may never make it there, but I will always try to keep the mindset that I am Ayden's mom.  That is huge!  David and I are his parents.  We are for him what our parents were for us.  It is a huge and amazing thing and we both want to strive to be the best we can be.  We will have moments of frustration and defeat, every parent does.  What is important is that we keep striving to be the best parents we can be for him and that we always make it a point to acknowledge and make up for the times that we fall short.

Those lashes again! Amazing.

We always want this sweetie to know that he is loved and that his parents are already so proud of him and always will be. 

~Sarah