Our Crumby Day

Ha. This is the only picture I took today...

Sweet Dumpling on the left, Delicata on the right.

During my quest to try all of the different winter squash that Whole Foods has to offer I made Sweet Dumpling and Delicata Squash Chili for my slow cooker Wednesday meal.  David added some cubed venison steak when I was on my way home from teaching dance and it was delicious!  I left out a few of the spicier ingredients but it still ended up being too spicy for Ayden.  I shall leave out the chipotle pepper powder next time as well (along with the jalapeno powder and cayenne powder I had already left out).

Dinner from yesterday did not sit well with neither David nor I last night. We both felt puny and queasy and it was a rough night.  Ayden seemed to make it through without any issues.  We thought it was so strange that he hardly ate any dinner even though he usually loves the particular meal that we were having.  Did he know something we didn't?  Part of Baby Led Weaning is trusting in your baby and the book claims that they have known babies to reject foods that they are sensitive or allergic to.  Did he not eat because something was bad?  David ended up staying home from work today and only felt good when he was lying down and barely had any appetite all day. I felt weak and tired all day too.  I had a bit of an appetite but also a hint of nausea that just wouldn't pass.  It is a shame that we will be throwing out all of our leftovers but we just don't want to chance feeling like this all over again. We both felt crumby all day :(.

Even though I wasn't feeling well, I got up and kept moving.  I knew that if I took the "day off," (if a stay at home mom really could have a day off to begin with) that things would be that much more piled up for tomorrow. Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and I was hoping to spend the afternoon with her; so in an effort to have the afternoon free I just kept trucking. I did my usual morning routine, ran the vacuum, did a load of diaper laundry, got tonight's dinner in the crockpot and pork chops marinating over night for tomorrow's dinner. I also ran out to Whole Foods to get us salads for a late lunch, since we couldn't eat our leftovers and then went to teach dance. I was super fatigued the whole night but made it through. After the fact, I am glad I pushed through not feeling well but I have to admit, I had a few moments where I wish I could have crawled into bed with David and taken a sick day too. I'd say that the only times I've ever wanted a day off since I've started my job as mommy have been when I was sick. Two bouts of mastitis, a virus and now food poisoning (or whatever it was) since Ayden's birth. David was a big help during all of those episodes but when you are an exclusively breastfeeding mother, there's only so much that Daddy can do. If your baby knows you are in the house there's no fooling them! It is so hard to parent when you are sick but each time I have made it through!

Hopefully tomorrow I will have some more exciting things to share, and perhaps pictures of my cute child instead of squash...

~ Sarah

Ayden Votes!

Morning snuggles!
This is actually a good shot of my "baby hairs."
Post-partum hair loss is no joke... Yay for re-growth!! :)

Today was actually a lot like yesterday, only it was Election Day so that added another errand to our day. Ayden was tired at his usual 11:00 am nap time but kept trying to play instead of going to sleep. Since I had places to be today I decided to finish getting ready, have lunch and get going instead of taking extra time to put him to sleep. If there is one thing I've learned about Ayden it's that when he's ready for sleep, he falls asleep easily and willingly. He even sleeps longer when I take his lead in this department. I had the right idea because he played nicely and ate a good lunch and then was asleep in his carseat before we even left the neighborhood. Good thing we vote at a church in our neighborhood because he was able to stay awake for that!

I was hoping to add a picture of me last year on Election Day. I was almost 30 weeks pregnant and it was actually the first time a stranger asked me when I was due. It took a while for me to become THAT pregnant I suppose... If/when we can access the data on our external hard drive, perhaps I'll remember to insert a link back here in a future post...

After voting I ran a couple of errands to get supplies for some DIY birthday gifts for my momma and then spent more time organizing at the pet store. I have finally figured out decent timing as far as Ayden's tolerance is concerned and have been able to stay for an hour and a half the last few times. That doesn't sound like long but it is actually the perfect amount of time to see one project through to completion. I am getting through it all slowly but surely and there really is no rush so it is perfect.

Though Ayden isn't showing very many "symptoms" of his current developmental leap, we can tell something is happening. He has always loved to read but has recently become OBSESSED with it. He's always pulling favorite books off of his shelf and looking at us expectantly. It is also pretty amazing that when we are reading to him he just sits back and listens so intently. That says a lot about our busy boy! We also feel like he is starting to really understand us. We can now add: bath, eat, grapes, banana, books, ball, and train to the list of words that he recognizes. He is walking with his little push cart like crazy and took FOUR steps on his own tonight!

He doesn't get road rage quite as quickly while walking with his push cart. Instead of screaming when he hits an obstacle, he looks over his shoulder at one of us with this sweet little pleading look on his face, which we are assuming is his way of asking for help. He also says, "a-da, a-ba" and such while he's looking at us. It is so cute! When we come and turn him around he gets a huge smile on his face and gets back to work. That look is so cute that it will surely get us into trouble in the future...

Month 10 seems to be a big one for our little man. He's making a lot of connections, seems to be sleeping better and makes us so proud everyday!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what direction this blog will take after January 21st, Ayden's first birthday. My goal was to write a post a day for his first year but I never really gave much thought to what I would do after that... I will definitely be proud of myself for sticking to my commitment as it has not been an easy one. You know what's funny?  I haven't kept up with a scrap book or milestones calendar like I always thought I would in the first year and whenever I get down about that I think, "um... Sarah?  What do you call the BLOG?!?" I think it is safe to say that Ayden's first year will have been well documented! The thought if not writing a post a day is both freeing and unfathomable all at the same time. I'll definitely keep it going but I am worried that if I don't make it a consistent priority, it will more than likely fall by the way side like all of my other hobbies. Chances are, I'll make posting part of my morning routine and they will be "pictures from the day" type posts unless I am inspired to write something more detailed. I would like to take the time that I usually use to write in the evenings to spend with David. I really like having a bigger purpose for all of the pictures and videos that I am obsessed with taking and I also love being able to recall details that go along with them that could get forgotten with time. The beauty of it all is that it is up to me and if it is important to me, I will make it happen!

~ Sarah

Code Brown!

Ayden has become such a big boy lately and the mixed feelings I am having about it are crazy!

On one hand I am already missing my "baby" and on the other I am so excited about the little person that he is becoming. David and I sat back and watched him propped up on his knees, with his little feet behind him, taking things out of the trash can in our office, one at a time and we just smiled at each other while we shared a prideful parental moment. And then we had to clean up all the trash because he totally gets the "out" concept but is not quite as interested in "in." We are so fortunate to have such a healthy, smart, funny boy to call our son. He is always so eager to explore and experience the world around and we really love witnessing it all.

He LOVES pushing that cart around the house!!

Ever since Ayden's 9 month check up, we have been giving him more meat at mealtimes per his pediatritian's advice. We are hoping this will help put a little more meat on his bones. When we first introduced solids, Ayden's "messy" diapers changed but they still were never really stinky. This may be gross for some but it kind of smelled like buttered popcorn to us. Well ever since Thursday it has officially transitioned to stinky. I suppose the more meat they eat, the more their poop smells. I know that he is also just getting older and may be breaking food down more efficiently but I don't think it was all coincidence. He seems to be sleeping a bit better too. His doctor agreed that frequent night waking is common in smaller than average babies. They are still developing at the same pace as other children their age but don't have fat stores to support it and have to make up for it somehow. That usually means night feedings and really explains a lot since Ayden has been in very low percentiles since even his 2 month check up. This is yet another reason I am so glad I followed my instinct and gave up on the sleep training. So anyway, even his diapers are a reminder that he is growing up so fast.

Ayden was very laid back and pleasant today. We are still waiting for signs of the stormy period that coincides with a new developmental leap that babies typically make around this time but so far so good! Here is a clip of the fun we had today:

Even his giggles are sounding older!

After Ayden's morning nap we went to Little Miss' family's new pet store because I am doing some organizing in the office there. Ayden was so good and kept himself occupied while I worked for about an hour and a half. Then we checked out all the animals on our way out. It is no surprise that he loves it there!

The rest of the night was pretty mellow. I accidentally skipped lunch today and am paying for it big time with a monster throbbing headache. Early to bed for me I hope!

~Sarah

Fall Family Fun

We were happy to get Daddy back today! Ayden and I had a lazy morning. We played and snuggled in bed for an hour before getting our day started. He was being so sweet. He'd lay his head on me and stay there for a while. He is becoming so affectionate and we love it! He has also started this head butt thing where he'll crawl up to us and push his forehead against ours with a big smile on his face. It's like his way of saying hi to David or myself and is super cute.

I joined Ayden for his morning nap and David got home soon after we woke up.  David said he stayed warm but didn't sleep well.  Once he got all of his camping gear sorted out and set up the tent to dry in our back yard, we had lunch and then headed to to the park!

We found a new use for his push cart... 

Our little family!

Ayden just LOVES to swing!! 

After going down the slide together.

David was tired since he didn't sleep very well out there in the wilderness but he was glad he joined us at the park because it is always such a good time.  Breathing the fresh air, seeing the smile plastered on Ayden's face and watching him play.  It's also so fun looking around at all of the other children and families having fun.  Everyone has a smile on their face and there is so much laughter.  I think that is why I like carnivals and fairs so much!  I just love being around people while they are having fun :).

When we got home the boys took naps (Ayden's was an hour and a half in his crib!) while I did some laundry and helped David by narrowing down our "keepers" from Ayden's 9 month photo shoot.  The rest of the day was pretty standard.  Pizza stir fry for dinner, a chilly family walk, bath, team kitchen clean up (thank you, David!!), blog writing and soon it's off to bed!  It was a good weekend and I have a lot I plan to accomplish tomorrow.

~Sarah

Joining The Club

We spent the morning having some quality family time because David is having a guys hiking/camping trip. Ayden has always been a morning baby. Even after a rough night he always wakes up with a smile on his face, ready to greet the day. Part of our daily routine is snuggling and playing in bed and the weekends are even better because Daddy is there too. It's funny because Ayden is more playful and excited when David is here when he wakes up. When it's just the two of us it is more of a quiet, cuddly playful. Add Daddy to the mix and we get screams, body slams and all kinds of giggles. Ayden sure loves playing with his Daddy.

David left right after Ayden went down for his morning nap, around 11:30 or so, and I hopped into the shower. Jess and Adam had a wedding reception in our home town that I had to get ready for.

New game while I get ready: How much can I drop in the tub?

Anytime we get the chance to see them we take it! I unfortunately didn't take any pictures while there but it was great! Ayden was in a stellar mood and once he warmed up to the place he made himself at home. He wasn't a huge fan of being held by strangers, as usual, but he enjoyed smiling at and interacting with them from afar. He even enjoyed crawling under all the tables and exploring the place. It really was a lot of fun. It was funny because before I had a child of my own I always looked at moms of busy babies and thought it must be miserable to have to follow them around everywhere all the time, even with how much I loved children. Now that I am one of those moms I actually love it. I enjoy watching Ayden as he explores a new place. It really is crazy how thoughts and opinions change once you actually are a parent. I have had a lot of opinions change since Ayden's arrival.

After the reception, Ayden had his afternoon nap on the way home and then we hit up the hot bar at Whole Foods for dinner.

A new favorite...  Who needs baby toys when you have old cat toys lying around?

Since David is out for the night, I took a breather from cooking. I take a lot of pride in all of the effort that I put into planning meals and cooking such wonderful food for my family but it is a big job and it was nice to have the "night off." I brought my dinner home and my friend Whitney came over to hang out because her hubby was working late. Whitney is pregnant with Ayden's betrothed (hehe) so we spent a lot of time talking about birth, breastfeeding, sleep, babies, etc. I loved pregnancy, think labor and birth are amazing/beautiful things, and enjoy being a mommy so much so it was a really nice way to spend the evening. I could probably sit and discuss all of those topics for days to anyone who is interested in listening! I am so excited for our dear friends and I hope we can offer support and a sense of community as they join this wild and crazy club called parenthood.

Ayden got his first bruise tonight while Whitney was here. He was trying to push his Zany Zoo and his hand slipped making his cheek hit the corner of the toy. He cried his REAL cry, the one where he stops breathing for a bit and turns really red, as I scooped him up and soothed him. He immediately had a bruise so it will be interesting to see what it looks like tomorrow. He calmed pretty quickly as we looked at on of his favorite books in an attempt to distract him. Poor baby :(

Testing the bath water.  He LOVES his baths!

Ayden got to bed late but he was so tired that he fell asleep almost immediately. I am going to put him in his crib while I straighten up a few things and then we'll snuggle into bed together for the night. We miss David but we stayed busy enough today to not think about it too much. The bed is always so cold and lonely without him, though, so we'll be so happy to have him back home tomorrow. It's cold out there tonight so I hope he's staying warm!

~ Sarah

My Perfect Imperfections

If you know me personally or have been following me for a while then you have learned that I'm typically a "glass half-full" kind of gal. There are a lot of rainbows and sunshine in my life and I like it that way. Sometimes people, even some who know me well, mistake my optimism for being "miss perfect." The thing is, like every single other human being on this planet, I am far from perfect. I am also well aware of most of my imperfections:

- I am forgetful
- I usually run late
- I rarely speak my mind
- I will inconvenience myself, and those closest to me, to avoid confrontation
- I am terrible at time/task management and tend to get distracted easily which often prevents me from seeing tasks through to completion (unless I have a strict, external deadline)
- there are plenty more but you get the picture...

So with all of these imperfections in mind, I asked David why people have such a skewed idea about me.  Why do other moms I meet make comments like, "You always look so put together, how do you do it?  I call it a good day when I get changed out of my pajamas" or "Wow you cloth diaper and make your own kale chips, I could never find the time!"  Yeah, I look put together because I shower every three two days so all I have to do on the no-shower days is take 10 minutes to put my hair in a pony tail and throw on some make up.  Yes, I do make weekly batches of kale chips but the kale is usually wilted by the time I get around to it.  We are just lucky that you don't need fresh, crispy kale for the chips to still be tasty.  And yes I cloth diaper but sometimes, I am sifting through a laundry basket of clean diaper laundry and stuffing the diapers as I change them.  I am so far from perfect and David's answer when I asked how people get that impression of me was that my imperfections don't really seem to bother me so I don't talk about them and therefore people don't realize they are there.

I suppose he is right.  I am aware of them and work daily towards bettering myself but in the long run, the fact that I'm not perfect doesn't make me value myself any less.  I suppose this masks the imperfections and comes across in a way that makes me seem much more "put together" than I really am without my even realizing it.  

I recently heard a quote that said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight real" and that is so true!   Next time you see another mother who seems to have it all figured out, remember that you have never seen behind the scenes at her house and I guarantee that she has her moments too.

I feel like yesterday's post was a good example of this happening. Readers mistook my positivity and hopefulness for how our future in discipline might play out as me having it "all figured out" and I SOOO do not. I think I'll compare first time pregnant/first time moms to children who believe in Santa Clause. They believe in magic because they can. They haven't experienced harsh realities, difficulties, failures or disappointments so they spend their time daydreaming about how perfect it will all turn out. My mom always told me that I was always such an easy, happy baby so when I was pregnant, I daydreamed about Ayden being a laid back baby who loved to sleep and rarely cried. I pictured him as being able to go with the flow and just mold right into our life the way it was. Now that he is here, he is absolutely amazing, and I love him more than I could have ever imagined, but he is far from that baby in my day dreams.

"Little ol' me??"

And now here I am day dreaming about how we will be able to execute positive discipline (with the above strong willed, persistent little boy) successfully. "Ayden will always have good manners and though he'll tantrum, we will have the energy and strength to see them as teachable moments and guide him through with ease." Haha, right...

The thing is, we let children believe in Santa Clause because childhood is such a short period when we can truly believe in magic. Just as we do with children, we also need to let pregnant couples and first time parents believe in "magic" while they can. A first pregnancy and first baby is such a special time in our lives and we deserve our day dreams because once we live through it this first time, we get our reality check and any future day dreams won't be quite so magical.

I suppose I'd just like to say that though I am okay with being far from perfect, and don't devote every post to imperfections, I don't want that to be misunderstood as me thinking I have this mommy-hood thing in the bag.  I'm just the type of person who likes to focus on the good things in life because focusing on the bad things just brings me down and life is too short for that!

I am fumbling through this journey just as much as the next mother and the only way to find my footing is to daydream, hope and plan for the future. It is good for us to set "rules" for ourselves so we can always find our way back to the kind of parents we truly want to be. Positive parenting is something that is very important to us and we will work as hard as we can to overcome difficult times that we know we will have because it is what we feel will be best for Ayden in the long run.

This blog has been such an amazing outlet for daydreaming, hoping and planning. At the click of a button I can reminisce about the past, organize my thoughts during the preset and make big plans for the future. It also doesn't hurt that I have a place and a purpose for all of the random pictures and videos that I am obsessed with taking all day, every day! It is a beautiful thing and I am so fortunate to have a community through your comments. Thank you so much for reading and following my journey as I figure it all out.

~Sarah

Respectful Parenting

Our nights have been pretty awful lately...  Perhaps due to a combination of his walking milestone and because he is ready for his next cognitive "leap" (the leap of sequences).

Bracing ourselves for the next 5 weeks...

He wakes so often throughout the night and he is half asleep and crying.  Sometimes even reaching out for me.  I offer the breast every time.  Sometimes he takes it, sometimes he doesn't.  I usually just hold him and shush until he calms but last night I actually talked to him and it seemed to help even more.  We are tired but I am so thankful I am not physically getting out of bed every time.  That would be complete torture!  He seems to be having nightmares or something which makes my heart ache for him.  I want him to always dream of wonderful things but you can't protect your children from everything all the time I suppose.

Speaking of protecting your children...  I witnessed a low mommy moment today.  There was a preschooler who had just gotten off of the mid-day bus as we were walking by on our morning walk and he would NOT get in the car. His mother was repeatedly yelling, "GET IN THE CAR!" but he just stood there with his arms crossed, refusing to obey.  What does his mother do?  She picks him up, belly in one hand, crotch in the other, swings back for momentum and proceeds to throw him into the backseat of her car and slam the door behind him.  She took a minute before getting into the car herself to look around to see if anyone was watching, which is where she found me standing there frozen in disbelief at what I had just witnessed.  She quickly got in her car and sped around the corner.

A lot of things flew through my mind.
- Was that child abuse?  Should I call the police?
- I have no room to judge, I have never been the mother of an obstinate preschooler
- I don't know what her current life circumstances are.
- I don't know what kind of day she has had.
- I don't know the child, perhaps he is always terribly behaved and disrespectful
- I don't care about any of the above, how could she treat her child like that?!?  Poor, poor baby...

As a teacher, my main rule for discipline was, "How would I handle this if his/her parents were standing in the room?"  I also had the ability to remind myself, this is not personal, they are not mine, they will not be at home with me tonight.  But... what if you are the parent?  Having a child with you 24/7 is no joke.  If you are sick, tired, annoyed, or simply have to pee there are no sick days, lunch breaks or bathroom breaks.  It can be difficult and I am sure that as a child gets older and gains more and more free will, I can imagine that it only becomes that much more difficult.

As I pushed my sweet baby back home, the scene that I had witnessed with the mother throwing her child into the backseat weighed really heavily on my mind.  I called David to talk it out and told him that I wonder if maybe I was witnessing part of a vicious cycle.  Did the child not obey his mother just because he was a "bad" kid?  Or was the child the product of a one way relationship where he is not respected but is expected to respect?  A sort of "Do as I say, not as I do" scenario.  The thing is, no one can deny that children learn best from what is modeled for them. David and I plan to use a model of positive/respectful parenting.  This is not to be confused with permissive parenting.  Ayden will have limits and we will tell him no, after heavily weighing the outcome and whether or not we are willing to "fight the fight" and actually follow through.  We just plan to respect him as an individual, hear his voice and be available to him in every way that we can.  We are hoping that modeling this sort of caring and kind nature will in turn mold him into a caring and kind individual.  For example, if we want him to tell us please and thank you, we will first tell him please and thank you.  We would like to think that a child raised under this parenting model will want to get in the car when we ask, because we asked and it is the right thing to do.

Now, before you laugh or scoff or think that we feel we will be perfect, we know good and well that this won't always work.  We will fail at setting the right example and Ayden won't always be cooperative but I do know that we will always go back and make it right.  I hope that when we have moments during which we are too exhausted to make the right parenting choices, we can use those as teaching moments and show that its ok to mess up as long as you acknowledge your mistakes and seek forgiveness.  It is always good to set goals to work towards and we feel that if we are always working towards positivity and kindness, we will always be able to find our way back to what is right.

I spent the rest of the day really cherishing the way things are right now.  It is so easy to get a baby to do what you want, at least compared to an older child.  We had a really wonderful day together and I loved, hugged and rocked my sweet baby as much as I could today.

We had story time and went to see the ducks afterward.  They kept chasing each other and Ayden was pretty mesmerized.

Then we met up with a friend of mine and her son at the mall.  Ayden found Brown Bear in the play area, and again, found himself mesmerized...

"You are bigger than I imagined..."

He also really loved crawling around and watching all of the big kids play.  We can always tell that he's taking notes and wants to be a big kid too!

Last on our agenda for the day was his 9 month well baby check up.

26.5" long (1st percentile) and 15.25 pounds (also 1st percentile)  

He is our mighty tyke and we asked his doctor if we need to be concerned about his size at all.  His answer was no because he is still growing on a curve, be it a small one, and that we are also smaller so that is to be expected.  He said that he wouldn't mind seeing a bit more chub on him so he advised that we up his protein intake at meals.  So bring on the meat!  Other than that, his doctor said he's "just perfect" which any parent loves to hear!  Ayden did much better overall during the appointment. He had a female nurse which made him more comfortable since he loves to flirt with the ladies everywhere we go.  He only cried on the scale and right after his shot.  He got DTap booster only this time and stopped crying as soon as he was in my arms.  He even gave the nurse one more smile before she left the room. He fell asleep during the car ride home and slept the whole way.  The rest of the night went well and though I say this every time, we are hoping that getting the vaccine helps him sleep well tonight!

All is well after our 9 month checkup!

~Sarah