Friday, November 2, 2012

My Perfect Imperfections

If you know me personally or have been following me for a while then you have learned that I'm typically a "glass half-full" kind of gal. There are a lot of rainbows and sunshine in my life and I like it that way. Sometimes people, even some who know me well, mistake my optimism for being "miss perfect." The thing is, like every single other human being on this planet, I am far from perfect. I am also well aware of most of my imperfections:

- I am forgetful
- I usually run late
- I rarely speak my mind
- I will inconvenience myself, and those closest to me, to avoid confrontation
- I am terrible at time/task management and tend to get distracted easily which often prevents me from seeing tasks through to completion (unless I have a strict, external deadline)
- there are plenty more but you get the picture...

So with all of these imperfections in mind, I asked David why people have such a skewed idea about me.  Why do other moms I meet make comments like, "You always look so put together, how do you do it?  I call it a good day when I get changed out of my pajamas" or "Wow you cloth diaper and make your own kale chips, I could never find the time!"  Yeah, I look put together because I shower every three two days so all I have to do on the no-shower days is take 10 minutes to put my hair in a pony tail and throw on some make up.  Yes, I do make weekly batches of kale chips but the kale is usually wilted by the time I get around to it.  We are just lucky that you don't need fresh, crispy kale for the chips to still be tasty.  And yes I cloth diaper but sometimes, I am sifting through a laundry basket of clean diaper laundry and stuffing the diapers as I change them.  I am so far from perfect and David's answer when I asked how people get that impression of me was that my imperfections don't really seem to bother me so I don't talk about them and therefore people don't realize they are there.

I suppose he is right.  I am aware of them and work daily towards bettering myself but in the long run, the fact that I'm not perfect doesn't make me value myself any less.  I suppose this masks the imperfections and comes across in a way that makes me seem much more "put together" than I really am without my even realizing it.  

I recently heard a quote that said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight real" and that is so true!   Next time you see another mother who seems to have it all figured out, remember that you have never seen behind the scenes at her house and I guarantee that she has her moments too.

I feel like yesterday's post was a good example of this happening. Readers mistook my positivity and hopefulness for how our future in discipline might play out as me having it "all figured out" and I SOOO do not. I think I'll compare first time pregnant/first time moms to children who believe in Santa Clause. They believe in magic because they can. They haven't experienced harsh realities, difficulties, failures or disappointments so they spend their time daydreaming about how perfect it will all turn out. My mom always told me that I was always such an easy, happy baby so when I was pregnant, I daydreamed about Ayden being a laid back baby who loved to sleep and rarely cried. I pictured him as being able to go with the flow and just mold right into our life the way it was. Now that he is here, he is absolutely amazing, and I love him more than I could have ever imagined, but he is far from that baby in my day dreams.

"Little ol' me??"
And now here I am day dreaming about how we will be able to execute positive discipline (with the above strong willed, persistent little boy) successfully. "Ayden will always have good manners and though he'll tantrum, we will have the energy and strength to see them as teachable moments and guide him through with ease." Haha, right...

The thing is, we let children believe in Santa Clause because childhood is such a short period when we can truly believe in magic. Just as we do with children, we also need to let pregnant couples and first time parents believe in "magic" while they can. A first pregnancy and first baby is such a special time in our lives and we deserve our day dreams because once we live through it this first time, we get our reality check and any future day dreams won't be quite so magical.

I suppose I'd just like to say that though I am okay with being far from perfect, and don't devote every post to imperfections, I don't want that to be misunderstood as me thinking I have this mommy-hood thing in the bag.  I'm just the type of person who likes to focus on the good things in life because focusing on the bad things just brings me down and life is too short for that!

I am fumbling through this journey just as much as the next mother and the only way to find my footing is to daydream, hope and plan for the future. It is good for us to set "rules" for ourselves so we can always find our way back to the kind of parents we truly want to be. Positive parenting is something that is very important to us and we will work as hard as we can to overcome difficult times that we know we will have because it is what we feel will be best for Ayden in the long run.

This blog has been such an amazing outlet for daydreaming, hoping and planning. At the click of a button I can reminisce about the past, organize my thoughts during the preset and make big plans for the future. It also doesn't hurt that I have a place and a purpose for all of the random pictures and videos that I am obsessed with taking all day, every day! It is a beautiful thing and I am so fortunate to have a community through your comments. Thank you so much for reading and following my journey as I figure it all out.

~Sarah

6 comments:

  1. I never mistook your positivity for "perfection". I think it is amazing that you and David plan on how you are going to handle Ayden at the different stages. It is always good to plan ahead for that stuff because you never know when he is going to start. You are doing amazing!

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  2. Samantha (samlsvgs@gmail.com)November 3, 2012 at 3:09 AM

    I have to apologize for my comment on your last post Sarah. You are correct, it isn't right to spoil anything for first time parents and advice like that is unsolicited. For what its worth I have always found you humble and self depricating - not at all "miss perfect". I also agree with you that having a strong teamate in your parenting partner makes this journey even better. Even through 4 deployments with my hubby half way around the world, I've always felt supported and that makes all the difference in the world.

    Okay back to lurking and reading - no more late night commenting. LOL

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    1. Oh please don't stop commenting! Discussion is always welcome and every mom needs a community of people going through, or who have been through, what they are experiencing. I appreciate you kind words and look forward to hearing from you again!

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  3. Do you think you'll keep the blog up after Ayden's first year? (I do like to read it so perhaps a selfish question... ;) )

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    1. I think about that a lot. Haven't quite decided what direction it will take after his birthday. Will definitely keep it going but will probably dial back a bit. There are many nights where I have been posting instead of sleeping so I'll definitely make sure that changes somehow! :)

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