Rimeniscing

Up until very recently, perhaps around the 6 month mark, I would see a newborn baby and my first thought would be, "So glad it isn't us..."  To be honest, the first month of Ayden's life was pretty brutal, and most parent's I have spoken will attest to that being the usual case.  Don't get me wrong, there are moments that we had in those first weeks that I will hold close to my heart forever and wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  At the same time, though, you and your baby are just getting to know one another, your hormones are going haywire, you are dealing with a level of exhaustion you never knew existed, you have an acute awareness that the world around you hasn't stopped and have an uncontrollable desire to pick up your life right where you left off before your new baby's arrival.  All of these things combined, plus some tummy troubles for your newborn (in our case) leave you with something I can only describe as a mixture of wonderful and downright brutal.

Fast forward to today.  Here I sit, typing this post in the middle of the day (which NEVER would have happened during the first month), while my 7 month old is jabbering away, playing with an overturned trashcan next to me (Don't judge! It's only paper...)

I actually sat down to my computer to find some photos of family to print out so I can make a little photo album for Ayden.  He's started noticing all of the pictures around our house so I thought he might enjoy seeing some familiar faces in a book on his book shelf.  I plugged in our rapidly filling external hard drive, opened iPhoto and started skimming through the photographs of his birth to see if I could find all of the pictures that I needed all in one place.  I actually didn't find any that I could use, pictures of grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins all looking at the camera and smiling, but I did get completely lost in the photos. 

Getting to know one another...

 We are so lucky to even have any photos.  If you have read our birth story, you know that we attempted a home birth and had an unexpected transport to the hospital after 33 hours at home.  The fact that David grabbed both cameras on our way out was a miracle in and of itself.

 I suppose it helped that our transport wasn't an emergency, but cameras still could have been the last thing on any of our minds (well... I suppose I should keep it real, pictures and documentation are always on my mind.  Hence this blog!).  We have the entire birth on video as well as some amazing photos.  Every time I've looked through the photos, I've been in a different "place" and they have triggered different thoughts, memories and emotions.  Today, they brought tears to my eyes and I am realizing that slowly but surely the brutality of that first month is fading out and leaving only the warm fuzzies behind. 

 This is why people go on to have more children.  To be honest, there were moments in those early days where we thought that our Ayden would be an only child.  As time passes, like with anything else in life, you don't remember the stress, exhaustion, frustration, etc. quite as clearly.  After a  while, all that really remains is the magical beauty that comes with bringing a baby into your family. The magical beauty that everyone always talks about.

Does this give me baby fever?  Not quite, we want Ayden to be our only baby for at least a few years.  But as our sweet baby turns into a little boy I am finding myself reminiscing about the warm, cuddly newborn he once was.  Sometimes it still feels surreal.  We wanted to be parents for so long and now it is here!  As time passes that we'll never get back I think it is important to ask ourselves, Is it happening the way we want it to? Are we present enough? Are we being sensitive enough? Responsive enough? Respectful enough? This is Ayden's life and it is in our hands.  Whether he grows up to feel loved and respected or alone and unimportant is up to us and how we react to his actions throughout the years.  We won't always do the right thing but I hope that whenever we do go wrong, we'll go back and make it right.  I do know that Ayden will always know how much we love him and how proud of him we are.  He'll also always know how much we love each other and how important our little family is to us. 

I love having videos and photographs to look back on to help me remember memories that become more and more foggy over time.  It is also important to live in the moment and cherish those memories being made as we make them.  It's all about living life and making your own happiness.  We are so lucky to have such a wonderful little family and we never want to take a second of it for granted.

~Sarah