Saturday, March 9, 2013

Evolution of Attachmet

Bee School was AMAZING today!  I am pretty sure that bee keeping has surpassed any obsession I ever had for cloth diapering (which was how I nested when I was pregnant so that says a lot!).  I learned so much and am so intrigued by the workings of bee colonies.  It was held in a college auditorium which took me back to my days of lecture classes which was also fun.

Busy bees :)
I sat front and center, hung on every word and couldn't get enough.  After having the beekeeping 101 class a few weeks ago and now this 4 hour seminar, I actually might feel like we should start our hives this year.  If that's the case, we better act quick because the time is now!

I'd love to paint our hives like this!
 I was away from my little sweetie for SIX hours today!! Before we had Ayden, we were a little bit familar with Attachment Parenting (AP).  We liked a lot of the aspects of it and thought we would probably implement some along the way.  Once Ayden got here, we fell into AP more than our pre-baby selves ever thought we would because it just jived with our contemporary crunchy lifestyle and just felt right.  In most cases, though not all, a successfully attached mother does not like to be away from her baby.  I fell into this category, big time.  There were times when Ayden was younger that we forced separation because we thought it was what we *should* do, or because his grandparents wanted a bit of alone time with him.  Some mothers like a little break from their babies and return feeling rejuvinated and ready to jump back in with both feet; but for me, it never felt good for me to be away from him.  After a few tries, we ended up giving into my overwhelming need to always have him with me (I should add that David felt the same way).  It didn't necessarily have anything to do with concern that he wouldn't be cared for properly.  It had more to do with the fact that I was anxious the whole time and couldn't enjoy anything that we did.  I guees it is hard to explain...  We decided to just wait until separation felt right.

The time came when Ayden was around 8 or so  months old.  It was interesting to observe what exactly made it feel "right." It was coincidentally (or maybe not) around the time that he began ingesting enough solid food to get some nutrients from it, as opposed to getting it all from my milk.   He also stopped crying when others held him and started forming and enjoying his own relationships with the familar adults in his life.  In other words, he was ready to be apart and therefore, I also was ready.  As it turns out, my anxiety came from knowing on some instinctual level that he wasn't ready to be apart from me.  Once he was ready, I was able to leave without a single concern or moment of anxiety. 

Fast forward to today and since his first birthday, David and I have both left him a few times, for hours each time.  He is happy and content the entire time we are gone and, though I think about him while I am away, there is no anxiety or aprehension on my end.  It has been yet another experience where, when we tried to force something it didn't feel right at all, but waiting to let it unfold naturally felt right and ended up with the same intended outcome. I am so grateful to be in a situation that allows the flexibility for Ayden to grow into things on his own time.

Today, David and I both left between 8 and 9 this morning.  David went to a local Farmer's Market meeting and got home around 12:00.  Then I got home around 3:30.  When David got home, Ayden was napping and then they played until I returned. 

David sent me lots of pictures.  I really enjoyed my day, not because Ayden wasn't with me, but because I enjoyed having the peace required to listen and atually retain new information (I call Ayden my own "ADD").  After I did get home I had lots of patience, even when he was screaming at me while I wiped his face after dinner, and loved how excited he was to see me when I got home (which is something many stay at home moms don't get to experience often). I think it is safe to say I have reached the stage where I can enjoy myself while I am away and can return feeling rejuvinated. I am definitely still not ready to be away from Ayden over night but feel fine about the idea of David and I going on more dates or me doing whatever might come up bee or otherwise. 

We ended our evening with lots of fun on this warm day while David did some work in the garden.  We are definitley ready for Spring to officially be here!

Who needs snow?

When did it finally feel right to be away from your baby?


1 comment:

  1. I still have a hard time spending time away from my son. I have to be away from him M-F 8:30-5:30 so after work and weekends all I want is time with him. I've yet to spend a night away and am really anxious about doing it when I go into labor with no. 2. I think it's harder to get to that place when you are a working mom, but eventually I'll get there.