Thursday, August 1, 2013

Band Of Mommies

I have had the wonderful privilege of hanging out with a great group of mamas on Thursdays. We all take our little ones to story time and afterward, our little ones play while we chat.


Sometimes we even grab lunch together afterward to continue our conversations. The best thing about this group of gals is that, though we all have some differences in parenting, there is no judgement. We all sit and talk freely about our kids, our beliefs, parenting styles, births, how/what we feed our babies, our likes and dislikes about parenthood or anything else for that matter. When someone brings up a different way of doing things the others are genuinely curious, ask questions and offer encouragement.  Everyone just wants to learn about all the possible ways to achieve the same outcome.  Raising and loving our children. We all support one another without offering advice that was never asked for in the first place. We can voice hardships, vent about frustrations and celebrate victories. We are all confident that we are equally doing a great job, even if our methods differ from one another.

Celebration: Ayden staying asleep during transfers to/from the stroller ROCKS!
He stayed asleep during my entire haircut today.
Out of the car seat, into the stroller.  Out of the stroller, into the car seat.
The biggest thing we have in common is that we all love and want what is best for our children and it seems like that is all we need. Everyone in this group seems to understand that the "best" is going to look different for every family and that is how it should be. It is so very refreshing!  

Outdoor snack while I got our car serviced before our big road trip!
Being a mom is hard work. We as mothers need an accepting sisterhood of fellow mothers to talk to. We need to be able to talk about the tough stuff to listening and understanding ears. We need people who can just nod and say they understand or cheer us on for seemingly small victories because they truly understand exactly what we are going through and how big even the smallest of accomplishments really are for our children.

When did motherhood become such a competition?  When did we forget that we women should band together as a pack to offer support and encouragement. One mother sharing how she does things or being excited about an awesome new development for her child shouldn't be interpreted as her bragging or her thinking she knows the only way to accomplish these victories. We should happily celebrate with her because we know how hard it is. We understand why a mother would want to shout something exciting about her child from the rooftops because every mother wants to celebrate her children. There is no competition in motherhood. No ribbons, trophies or metals. All we have are the little ones that we love so dearly and every little thing they do is our reward for being in the trenches day in and day out.

The next time you hear a mother celebrating her little one, instead of letting jealousy flare, try celebrating right along with her. And the next time a mother comes to you to vent about tough times, try just listening and validating her feelings. Chances are, she's not looking for advice, just someone who can relate. She just wants to know that she's not alone in the trenches motherhood.

The view up above from our front porch at the cottage.  
I know how hard it is to find mommy friends and I feel lucky that I have finally found a whole group of them. They really are sweet gals and all of their babies are adorable. They hug Ayden and celebrate his accomplishments just as much as I do and I do the same for their babies. Let's not forget, mommies, that it takes a village. If you have trouble connecting with other mothers, I challenge you to let down your guard a little and open up. You just may be surprised by the friends you can make. 

Have you  found a good mommy friend or two?  

~Sarah

Flashback! Here's what we were up to one year ago today: "My New Best Friend"

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13 comments:

  1. I loved this blog post. I'm not yet a mother, hopefully soon, but I already worry about connecting with other mothers. Your outlook is really how it should be. Thanks!

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    1. I wish you luck. It is much harder than it should be to find support through other mothers.

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  2. We live in such a small community that finding mommy friends has been very difficult for me. One of the main reasons is that I am older than most mom's with kids my age. I crave mommy friends in my life. Consider yourself very blessed to be part of what sounds like such a wonderful group of gals :)

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    1. I do feel blessed to have found them. I was craving it too even more than I realized. Don't give up on looking. I'll bet you'll find what you are looking for somewhere!

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  3. My experience has been that it can be hard to find mum friends and there is always an undercurrent of competition no matter how nice people seem to be. I think motherhood makes you very vulnerable you inevitable become enmeshed with your young children but often to a degree where you disconnect with your authentic selves and you can luce through your kids. I think this is the weirdness about mums. Where did it say we had to disconnect from our cores???? this impacts so negatively in the whole family.

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    1. You are right! Nobody ever said that. It is hard to hold on to who we are and I agree, it is so important to keep that in tact.

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  4. Amen to this whole post!! I hate getting on blogs and seeing Mommies bicker in the comments.

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    1. Me too!! And don't even get me started on entire websites dedicated to tearing apart bloggers and vloggers...

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  5. I LOVED this blog post!! It can sometimes feel like a dirty little secret that motherhood can be frustrating and hard at times, which is so sad! Of course it's hard, much as we love our babies. Thank you so much for your honesty, I'd really love to see you make a video on this subject as I really find that YouTube can be a very judgemental community. I often feel I'm only supposed to show the highlights in my videos, much as I try really hard to be honest

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    1. I tend to try and keep things positive too, but only because that is where I like to focus my energy. It comforts me to just know that EVERYBODY has "those" days, whether they choose to document it for everyone else or not.

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  6. The subject is huge! And we're often just given a very 2D picture of motherhood as the ultimate fulfilment which can make us feel terrible and defective if we don't agree. My son is 4 and I have spent the last 3 years trying to be like my mum and to be like the other mums in the playground until I reached breaking point and couldn't go it any more- I had completely lost myself. I know try to connect with me at all times and it had changed motherhood dramatically for me- there are a lot of areas I no longer participate in as I just don't like it. I'm coming from a genuine place and my son is fine- I had to take that risk for myself. I realised through therapy that although my mum seemed to work tirelessly she was very unfulfilled and I felt her depression for years. Interesting and massive subject!

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    1. I firmly believe that a mother, or any parent for that matter, should do what feels right and not what she thinks she's "supposed" to. For one mother that will be complete attachment parenting, never having a break from her baby for the first two years and for the next it might be her needing to go back to work so that she can feel like she is contributing to a greater cause. As long as parents follow their guts and do what FEELS right, they will be the best people, and therefore parents, possible for their babies. There isn't anything that can measure what is actually the *right* way.

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  7. It is hard for me to find friends because we are constantly moving. My husband is in the military and we move every 2-3 years. Most women in military areas do not like to get close to on another because it makes leaving that much more painful. This is why I depend on YouTube so much. I do hope once we settle in somewhere I can find a group of close friends.

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