Our baby is growing up. He's actually getting further and further from being a baby each and every day. He's sleeping well at night and for naps. He's having at least one or two mornings a week where he does not have nursing on his mind first thing. He's becoming more and more of a daddy's boy when daddy is home. If he spills something or needs to wipe his mouth and hands, he'll go to our napkin drawer and get himself one. He's becoming an independent individual who is thinking for himself and it is a wonderful thing to witness. And for this mama who LOVES being the mommy of a BABY, it is a little sad too.
Even though he is growing so fast and so quickly becoming his own person, we still have moments when time stands still. When he is nursing and reaches up to caress my face, when he is a little sleepy and lays his head down on my shoulder, when he notices that I have a boo-boo and reaches down to give it a kiss without saying anything, and when he says, "I love you so much, Mommy."
Today after an hour long nap he woke up crying. Our general rule is that he naps for at least an hour. If he wakes happy after that hour we get him right up. If he wakes crying, no matter how long he's been asleep, we encourage him to sleep a little more. Usually if he wakes crying, he goes right back to sleep because it is what he needs. Today he told me he was all done with nap and that he was ready to "be up." I could tell that he was still tired so I took him to the glider and just held him and rocked him while he cried and cried. I asked him if he had a bad dream and he said no. Then I asked him why he was so sad and through his sobs he said, "I... don't... know..." So there we sat while he got through his inexplicable emotions. Once he had calmed down he yawned and asked, "What we do now, Mommy?" and I said, I'm just going to hold you and rock you for a little bit. Maybe you could close your eyes and sleep a little more." He said, "No, Mommy. I not tired!" and then 2 minutes later he was out.
He slept on me for another half hour. In the moment when you're feeling all warm and fuzzy with nothing to do but hold your baby, the thought crosses your mind that sleep training and good, independent sleep are overrated. Then you come to your senses and remember that good sleep is best for everyone's health. The beautiful thing is that you still get these moments, even if they are fleeting, where you can still snuggle your child while they sleep and it makes them that much more special.
As these moments become further and farther between, I am making sure I cherish every second as they are happening. This is the way things are supposed to go. You have your baby and Mommy is their whole world. Then the time comes when their eyes are opened to a world much bigger than you. You are still very much a HUGE part of their world, and their sense of security in that world, but every day they spread their wings a little further. All of it is good but it doesn't make it any easier on us as parents. We want to be needed.
Here I am the mother of a two year old writing this. I will be turning 30 in April and I can't imagine what it will feel like in another 28 years when Ayden is all grown up, probably with a family of his own. It makes me want to call my mom right now at 11:00 at night and tell her that I need her in some way. Ha, I'm sure she would actually really love that... Some of my most fond childhood memories are of snuggling with and napping with my mom and now I know that she was getting just as much out of it as me if not more. I hope that when Ayden is 30 he'll be able to look back and remember some of the moments we had together when time stood still.
What moments do you cherish most with your little ones?
PS - pregnancy hormones are in full swing tonight. I think I cried 3 times writing this post... I just love my little man so much I can hardly stand it.
Flashback! Here's what we were up to one year ago today: "Frame Party!"
And two years ago today: "Playing Games"
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