Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I Miss The Village

So I picked up a package of the new Ball lid/straw packs and it made me happy.

There is a Huffington Post article floating around that David and I read last night that actually encompassed a conversation that we had with our friends during brunch before their garden work party.  It talked about way back in the day that inspired the "it takes a village" cliche.  David and I were the only parents there but our friends are gearing up to start families of their own so we had a lot to talk in regards to this.  I was saying how challenging it can be to be the positive parents that we want to be in the midst of juggling everything we have to do with too little time to do it.  The wife had recently read a book written by a man who went and observed other cultures and tribes and found that a lot of women actually shared the babies. It was often even difficult to tell which child belonged to whom because they all treated every child as their own.  The point here was that there was once a time when the parents of the child were not responsible for every single aspect of the child's upbringing.  She even said the author of the book spoke of some groups of people where the parents' role was only to offer unconditional love and hard lessons were taught by other members of the society.  In my reality this would be my worst nightmare for fear that someone would permanently  emotionally or physically harm my children (who am I kidding, there is a pretty great risk that this can happen at some point in their lives anyway) but I can see how it could work if you are living in a small community with others who share your values. 

Ayden helping me make squash "spaghetti" for dinner.
Using up all that CSA squash!!
Of course, since I was raised in our culture, it's difficult to wrap my head around totally letting go and letting other people parent my children but I can definitely see the appeal.  Our visit to the Shaker museum during our staycation also made David and I talk about this.  Intentional communities where everyone living close by and working together to take care of the community as a whole sounds really appealing to us. Of course we'll pass on the celibacy and some of their other beliefs but as a whole, we like the idea of community or tribal type living.

I'm not sure where exactly I am going with this but I can say that after visiting the museum, having the conversations at brunch and reading this article all within the span of a week, it has gotten me thinking and reflecting on it all.  I have to agree with the author of the article.  I've come to the conclusion that I miss the village I never had.  

Anyone else ever given this topic any thought?  What do you think about it all?


Flashback!  Here's what we were up to one year ago today: "Love Letters"
And two years ago today: "Ayden's Favorite Things: 6 Month Edition"

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  1. I agree that there are pros and cons, but ultimately it helps to have the support of a village. I used to be too proud to ask for help, but now with 3 I always invite my mom, sister, brother to do things with me and my kids. It helps me when my mom tags along to the grocery and in turn gives her time with the kids and makes her feel useful. I also think we create a virtual village in this age with blogs and YouTube and online forums. We can offer wisdom and support to one another and learn from shared experiences without being close in proximity. I love this topic and have a different appreciation for the old cliche now that I'm a mom.

    1. This is very true! Any kind of support, even if not physical, can make a huge difference! Inviting your mom to come to the grocery with you is genius. Gonna remember to do that in the upcoming months :)

    2. It helps in lots of ways. I used to get major guilt if we couldn't visit grandparents every week and then we started inviting them along to run errands and it sort if kills two birds with one stone!

  2. I have always thought that the healthiest way to raise a child is with a lot of positive influences. How does this multiple parenting style fit with AP?

    1. That is a really good question. I only have experience with Ayden as far as AP is concerned. When he was really young he cried when anyone but us held him which in turn made us VERY uncomfortable with leaving him. Not because the caregivers weren't capable of caring for him but because it in no way was enjoyable for him nor did it offer us any kind of break since we were worried about him being upset the whole time. It just wasn't worth it. When he was about 9 months old he became ready to separate and therefore we did too. We totally followed his lead and now he practically pushes us out the door when it is time to visit with his grandparents. He has never had separation anxiety issues as a toddler and I truly believe it's because we waited until he was ready and never forced it on him. Who knows how we would have handled all of this had we been raised in a different culture with different norms...